The Waiting Game

Tomorrow May 3rd was supposed to be Katlyn's birthday. I took off work today to be by myself and give me time to reflect on everything that has happened the past three months. Tomorrow we'll go to the cemetary and give her flowers and a pinwheel we bought for her. We still need to pick out a grave marker. There is a place not far from here that gives away free markers for infants. We still have to go there and look. I don't want to settle on one just because it is "free", but we can at least look at them.

We were at the docotrs again yesterday. If you remember from an earlier post, the first person I met with thought I might have a clotting disorder, she was a nurse practitioner I believe. Then about a month ago I met with my doctor who said she didn't think I had a clotting disorder. She said that for some reason Katlyn's placenta stopped growing and parts of it started dying off and then the blood inside clotted which caused her death. She didn't think there was any problem with MY blood though. So she referred me to a specialist at the hospital who only deals with high-risk pregnancies.

Yesterday we met with the specialist. She went over my familys history of illnesses which includes diabetes, congestive heart failure, alzeihmers, and lymphoma. She seemed most interested in my grandma who had diabetes and congestive heart failure. My Grandma had also had a stillborn, but that was caused because she had diabetes and didn't know it at the time. They had already run diabetes tests on me which turned up negative.

So now this doctor is running tests to see if I really do have a blood clotting disorder. We probably won't know the results for a couple weeks. One thing that really irked me was that she suggested waiting at least a year to get pregnant again, which I think is absolutely ridiculous and Josh agrees. So we're gonna wait to see what the test results say. But if they can't find anything wrong, I'm sure not waiting a year to get pregnant again. She said we should really wait two years because that's how long it takes for a womens body to return back to normal, but since I didn't carry Katlyn to full term she suggested a year. MY doctor told me I would only have to wait 3-4 months. Plus I know a lot of people who haven't waited a full year between pregnancies.

Josh and I want to have our kids when we're still young and mobile. I want to have enough energy to go out and play with them and have fun. I also want to be young enough to enjoy my grandkids someday. So now we are just waiting; still mourning the loss of Katlyn, but trying to look for hope in the future as well. I'll keep you updated.